I feel awful
And it’s not just because i’ve binged the last days, but I think the binges are some of the result of me feeling awful. I think maybe it’s because of me switching birth control pills again. I got the wrong kind last time so used another kind for 3 months. I feel really depressed again. And it’s not consistent. Some days I feel really happy without reason and other days I feel almost suicidal. It’s exhausting. And feeling depressed makes me careless and want to eat all the time because that makes me feel a bit better. Of course I feel worse after, but not really enough to make me stop eating. I think it’s a bad cycle. When i’ve eaten well for a few days I feel lighter and not bloated and that makes me happier as well. And I feel trapped between my head and my heart. And stressed because of university. I want to time out. I want to not have to deal with people. Everyone has expectations and ambitions for me. It’s hard to not let anyone down. I need to think of myself as well. But how do I do that? I’ve never really done that.. And i’m afraid of making a bad choice. That the consequences are worse than the current situation. Life isn’t easy..
